Rewind. Before and During.

Assalamualaykum!

Here are some stuff i wrote and put in my personal file since 21th of September 2011. Vowed to myself to post it here after i get my A Level results. So here comes.

21/9/2011 – Today, we applied for IMU, online. :) Madam Rita asked us to put all As as our forecast result.

19 Oct 2011 – 10 am. I was interviewed by the dean of medicine from IMU. i was super nervous, but he kinda made me feel at ease. *everyone says good stuff about their interviewer, i wonder if this has something got to do with making us feel good*. He is an anatomist it seems.

One day during the December holiday. 5.18pm. – today, is the day that I feel so down. I was completely filled with self-doubt and am already ready to give up. I forgot the fact that I’m a forever weak except for the times when Allah gives me strength. Except for the times when Allah supports me and ease my work. I am filled the feeling that there’s no way I’ll be able to finish what I must finish to prepare myself for the A-Level, forgetting completely that no matter how prepared I am for the A-Levels, if Allah chose to make it hard for me, then it will be hard. Then, I decided to write this down. I know, I am weak. But, so what, all of us are. I forget it just now, and maybe you’ll forget it sometime later in your life. That’s human, right? We forget things but I hope I’ll never forget it anymore, I wanna bring myself closer to Allah so that my heart will be at ease and my journey would be less burdening. I’ll post this when I accomplish my dream, to make sure everyone knows that when you want something the most, there’s no easy way out. But with complete trust in Allah (Tawakkal) after doing your best (though everyone else seem to be doing way better), you can achieve your dream. Dream high!

21/01/2012 – 2.36pm – Can’t remember the day I wrote the above part (huhu). Anyway, today I felt like writing something again. It has been two weeks since the A-level Final Examination started. It was beautiful. How Allah helped me, I don’t know if I’ll get all As or what, but I’m thankful enough that Allah helped me in the examination hall. He gave me calmness and time to answer all the questions. Nevertheless, I know some questions that I answered wrongly. And this does not include the possibilities of me answering other questions wrongly. Haha.  Staying in the same house with people who seem so ready and confident makes me scared. But to know that Allah’s here, Allah’s near to me.. I regained my strength.  They work hard, I work hard too. But our capabilities are different so they work as hard as they could and I would work as hard as I could. Praying so that Allah hears my dua and give me the best! I wish for success that can bring me closer to Allah. I wish for success that makes me more and more humble than ever.

“”Another thing I’ve noticed is that the reason many people fall hard when they are faced with something difficult is because they rely on their own capacity to deal with that challenge. They don’t realize their weakness. When we struggle through the means we have while sincerely acting on the belief that Allah’s will and power are all-encompassing, it becomes easier to accept a presenting challenge. Allah ‘azzawajal says that the human being is created weak. Our insistence on trying to prove the little strength that we have is not going to help the situation; rather, it’s the yaqeen in our inability before Allah ‘azzawajal that can bring us closer to His infinite mercy inshaAllah.””

(from http://cucumberr.wordpress.com/ The eyes shed tears ) Do stop by.

Yess, I am weak. And I know, how hard I try and how successful I can be, all depends on Allah S.W.T mercy. When I answered correctly, then it is Him who gave the knowledge and instinct to answer so. When I answered wrongly, then it is Him who destined so.  So, no matter what, I’m gonna pray hard and work up to the very last minute and then, at the door of the examination hall, it’ll be time to leave it all to Allah.

أَمْ لِلْإِنسَانِ مَا تَمَنَّىٰ . فَلِلَّهِ الْآخِرَةُ وَالْأُولَىٰ

(An Najm 24-25) J

And to Allah only we depend.

*to be continued*

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