Being comfortable in your skin

Earlier today I was talking to a friend about how I sometimes feel like I’m weird. That I just don’t understand why when I give out a statement, people tend to be taken aback and just don’t know how to respond (like, in a bad way). Like how when I crack a joke, it’ll be too long winded and complex that I’ll have to explain it.I’d always been the weirdo and have always been trying to fit in, succumbing to peer pressure. I forced myself to understand football when I was fourteen because it was “the thing” then. I forced myself to hate pink when I totally love it, because it’s so girlish and uncool. I tried so hard to be able to talk in public confidently because being an introvert is so lame (not that it’s so bad but still, I did it to be accepted and that’s not okay). I always think that I’m horrible because I used to be teased a lot because of my skin color (I’m dark).Probably I’ve some serious self-esteem issues and that I created this “being weird” problem myself. Well, I don’t know. And, after high school – I never really cared anyway. But yeah, occasionally those thoughts do bother me. I just want to be normal. I want to talk and make normal statements and funny jokes.

Funny but inspiringly, this friend (that I was talking too) seems so comfortable being labeled weird herself. To me, she’s not weird. She’s just different. And what’s so wrong about being different? She’s just amazingly special. I can talk for hours with her and be extremely comfortable doing so. She’s a bit introverted and I bring out the talkative-side of her (in a good way, trust me). If I can feel this way about someone whom others take as weird then I know there are people who can feel the same way about me. I know she’s one of them.

To be comfortable and confident with the way you are – now that’s priceless. Waking up in the morning without any worries, insecurities or fears. And now, I’m not just talking about beauty and being weird- but everything. Like how I get so worried about if I’ll able to be a good friend, or a good student or a good doctor (in the future). Or if I’ll survive medical school at all. Or if I’ll able to make my friends and family understand why I’m very particular about seat belts. Or if my OCD* is gonna get any worse tomorrow or just go away as I fight them off slowly.

Being confident does not depend on what others think about you, rather what you think about you. Despite my worries, I know that I’m not gonna change myself for anyone or anything anymore. I’m gonna buy lots and lots of pink socks and wear them mismatching-ly for all I care. I’m gonna continue cracking that weird-not-funny jokes and explain them afterwards as people start exchanging confused looks. I will give my all to be the best doctor and will continuously work on being a better friend. Hell with them bitching behind my back or giving hurtful comments to my face – that’s them being insecure with themselves.

I know, I’ll feel insecure every now and then. I’ll just remind me that I don’t care about those worries and be happy again.

If you wanna be my friend, deal with everything that I am.

“O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.”
Surah Al-Hujurat verse 13.
*OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
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