“..And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.” (3: 185)
Lately, I’ve been enjoying silence more than usual. To not hear voices and to just be quiet.
And let me awkwardly quote myself here =.=;
“People always lie. So it’s not about what they say, it’s what they do that matters.”
I usually (or should I use ‘always’?) tend to talk a lot with people I’m comfortable with because I just like to tell stories. I mean, stories are meant to be shared, right? Isn’t it boring when you’re having lunch or dinner and everyone just sit there quietly focusing on their phones?
And I tend to be very expressive as well. About what I think. Sometimes you just want people to understand you so bad that you try so hard to explain to them about you or your decisions/opinions. Then you realise that no matter how much you try, at one point they’ll still misunderstand and then you know you should stop trying. Because having our own opinion is our right. We know why we believe/think as such. Sometimes, you do need to explain but other times, you just don’t have to. Let them judge, don’t judge you for them though. I still do believe in voicing out my opinions – only when it can/will make a difference.
I believe in being positive and full of hope and so, I don’t think I have the time nor energy to be bothered about what others think anymore. Even the ones I’m close to. Even the ones I care about. Because I think, if they truly care about me they’ll understand and if they don’t, they’ll ask me to justify my acts.
I can’t help but to hope. Hope that my act of silence can bring me the connection to God that probably I never experience before? I don’t know. But enjoying silence also means more reading and thinking time. More time for self-reflection? Actually I don’t know yet why I really want silence.
I believe and I hope. And who else do you hope to but your God?
“And never give up hope of Allah’s Mercy. Certainly, no one despairs of Allah’s Mercy, except the people who disbelieve.” (Surah Yusuf 12:87)
Also before I end, let me share some quotes I find interesting:
Yahya Ibn Mu’aadh said: “In my view, the worst kind of self-delusion is to greatly sin, yet hope for forgiveness without feeling any regret; and to hope to draw close to Allah – the Most High – without obedience to Him; and to await the fruits of Paradise, by planting the seeds for Hell-Fire; and to seek the abode of the obedient ones, by doing acts of disobedience; and to expect a reward, without doing any worthy action; and to hope in Allah – the Mighty and Majestic – after overstepping the bounds.”
“Jika engkau duduk bersama orang bodoh, maka diamlah. Jika engkau duduk bersama ulama maka diamlah. Sesungguhnya diammu di hadapan orang bodoh akan menambah kebijaksanaanmu dan diammu di hadapan ulama akan menambah ilmumu”- Hasan al Basri.
ps: you might think that this post is really incoherent. Or you might just not understand my whole point. That’s fine. Thanks for reading though !