Bully

Suddenly, this bully issue is growing real big and getting everyone’s attention. So I felt like writing something too.

Two years ago when my sister (who was then a Form 1 student at a boarding school) was bullied, I forced my parents to go see her teacher or whoever in the school to get them to do something about it. My sister was adamant about us not doing anything i.e. not complaining for fear she might be subjected to something worse. That’s understandable but obviously we’ll not just sit by. I knew one teacher from the school and so, asked her to look into it as well.

What my parents then told me was that the teachers were saying things like – “it’s a norm, they can do nothing about it.” Honestly at that time, I was more than just “not happy”.

Well, in the end the bullies did (only) get reprimanded if I’m not mistaken. She did get some bullying even after that, lesser though. They’re her ‘seniors’ after all.

I’m sorry if any of you think bullying is okay (you may have re-branded it to something like ‘mengajar’ or ‘tegas’ or ‘supaya junior tak manja’ etc) – but it never is and never will be. It’s not justifiable even if everybody before you did it.

Hurting people to ‘teach’ them is wrong and never acceptable. And I define hurting here as everything that affects a person negatively be it physically or emotionally and done intentionally.

You don’t teach people by forcing them to do something. Discipline is not defined as such. Discipline comes from a willing heart, wanting to do it. It comes from the inside of that very individual.

If you think I’m doing something wrongly, tell me. Correct me. Don’t yell or express your frustration in an immature, tyrannical, oppressive way. Apologies, but some parents/teachers do this. And probably from them, these young bullies bud from. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is the best teacher of all time and I can say confidently, that those methods are not from his teachings. Love and kindness and patience – he taught people along that values.

I can’t accept someone impinging their values onto me. You may think it’s right but don’t ever think that I MUST think it’s right too. I give you the right to talk me through it and make me understand. But at the end of the day, I make the decision. I decide whether or not, I’m changing my views. Talk. Use your voice. Use your communication skills, if you have it that is. And please understand, communication means is much much more than just ‘talking’. And also, try to get the idea of agreeing to disagree.

I don’t understand how as a human, people can want to hurt others. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt any of you readers. I believe I have (hurt people), because I’m human and I make mistakes. But that definitely would not have been my intention. If as I fight for my rights, you get hurt somehow – then I apologise but so long as it doesn’t go against the teachings if my religion, I’ll not stop fighting for what I think is right. And bully is not right and I’m fighting against it.

No one would have realised that I was once a victim of bully as well. Even I didn’t realise that. Until very long after that as I notice how/what I’ve become because of what happened years ago. It hurt my confidence and self-esteem. Now, I try to make my sisters and brother understand that you should never let others make you feel bad about yourself. Everybody is just as worth it. Everybody has the right to feel good about themselves and not conform to the ideas/norms of a larger group of people. Tolerance is another thing though and we shall not get into that now.

Whatever the background of the those who bully others are, I don’t ever think I can accept their actions – I will understand but I’ll never be able to say that what they did is justifiable. You get bullied, you were tortured, or you were hurt somehow – all this does not give you the right do to the same to others. You were wronged so stand against those who wronged you.

Be patient and pray to Allah. Then, go on and do something to stop them hurting you further. Work, put some effort for yourself and pray that they work. It’s sunnatullah that you gotta work to get yourself out of that ‘bad condition’ you’re in.

For each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah . Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron.

(13:11)

Do not bully others and at the same time, don’t let yourself get bullied. You have a choice. Take it. If you don’t stand for anything, you’ll fall for everything.

May Allah bless us all and protect us from bad deeds. May Allah help us and everyone out there who are being mistreated, provide us with the best sabr (patience) and lift us from unjust situations. May Allah give us strength and courage to stand against the cruel and tyrants. Ameen.

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